All of it is illusion, the pains in my body, my thoughts about myself, my stuff, my relationships, my anything. The light, the world, all of it will melt away and does. I should enjoy it, experience it as it flows away.

Instead, I feel nauseated when I feel something pull away from me. I resist. My body tries to distract me so I won’t have to see it go. A sore back, tight shoulders, aching feet. And so I visit my fear of a disintegrating body, my fears of the future, and on and on, even thinking about how I am afraid and noticing myself thinking. Anything to avoid the moment and to avoid being in the changing flow and nothing solidness of the world shifting around and through me.